Canadian Crusaders

The 2025 Conservative Cabinet picks...

There’s no hiding that if there was a popularity contest amongst nation’s politics, Canada would be the weird country mouth breathing in the corner, while America’s at a UFC fight with Kid Rock. At least we’re polite and say sorry all the time though, right? Kindness for the win. But where does kindness get us, when a bunch of well-mannered citizens are going up against a Goliath-sized shadow government agenda under the guise of inclusivity & environmental care, with a side of censorship? I’m not sure that even the Clark Kent vibes that Poilievre rocks these days will be enough to Make Canada Cool Again. How are we to compete with an elevator with this depth of character? What is the net worth of this elevator? Did anyone check on how much greatness this elevator could hold before the doors closed?

It’s time to bring in Canada’s heavy hitting characters. 💅

Image: Donald Trump Jr. on Instagram

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For some comedic relief this week, I opened up a poll for people to suggest who should be a part of Canada’s version of the American Avengers political squad. Turns out, Canada isn’t as boring as we thought. We have some real characters and players up here. While we operate on a totally differently process when it comes to our government’s cabinet, and we know that absolutely none of this will ever be real for us here in Canada (unless everyone starts running for MP), for the sake of your sanity, please have fun and enjoy.

Your job will be to yay or nay these unelected officials. But if you nay, you have to offer up someone else to take on the role and explain your reasoning in the comments. Deal? Deal. 🤝

Sarah

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Your Canadian Crusader Cabinet 2025

Prime Minister - Pierre Poilievre - and if you want Maxime Bernier then Netflix has to host a Poilievre vs. Bernier boxing match - winner takes the role of party leader

Deputy Prime Minister & Minister of Finance + DOGE Mr. Wonderful - Kevin O’Leary

Minister of Transport - Chris Barber & Tamara Lich

Minister of Crown-Indigenous Relations - former MP Jody Wilson-Raybould

Minister of Pandemic Preparedness - MP Leslyn Lewis

Minister of National Defence - Kelsie Sheren

Minister of Employment - Kid Carson

Minister of Innovation, Science & Industry - Red Green (from the old Red Green show on CBC)

Minister of Socialist Prevention Services - Roman Baber

Minister of Housing, Infrastructure & Communities - Bubbles from The Trailer Park Boys

Minister of Health - Kristen Nagle

Minister of Diversity, Inclusion & Persons with Disabilities - Jordan Peterson

Minister of Public Safety - Danny Bulford

Minister of Immigration - Don Cherry

Minister of Misinformation & Disinformation - Theo Fleury

Minister of Veterans Affairs - James Topp

Minister of Sport & Physical Activity - Jamie Sale

Minister of Northern Affairs - Jim Shockey

Minister of Justice & Attorney General - Eva Chipiuk

Minister of Energy & Natural Resources - Danielle Smith

Minister of Bush Parties - Dean Brody

Minister of Seniors Sports & Recreation - Wayne Gretzky

Minister of Rural Economic Development - Paul Brandt

Minister of Common Sense - Gad Saad

Minister of Media Relations - Jonathan Harvey

Minister of Environment - Tom Green

Minister of Public Affairs - MP Melissa Lantsman

Minister for Women & Youth Equality - April Hutchinson

Minister of Fisheries & Wildlife - Ron Arnett from Helping Horses Heal

Minister of Firearms - MP Raquel Dancho

Minister of Small Business - Arlene Dickinson

Minister of Tourism - Russell Peters

Minister of Mental Health & Addictions - Mark Groves

Minister of Emergency Preparedness - Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, not as Ryan Reynolds

Minister of Rights & Freedoms - The Honourable Brian Peckford

Minister of Government Ethics - Julie Ponesse

Minister of Pet & Animal Services - Jim Carrey

Minister of Agriculture & Agri-Food - MP John Barlow

Minister of Personal Privacy & Data Protection - MP Rachael Thomas

Minister of Government Accountability - MP Michelle Ferreri

Who are your keeping and who are you replacing and with whom? 👇