Is this defeat? ...Or is it acceptance?

My honest experience over the last 24 hours

Click play above to listen to the audio version. 👆 Warning, it’s emotional.

Last night, I was scurrying about the kitchen getting the beef roast ready to serve after spending the better part of my Saturday doing some work, and sharing my thoughts here on Substack. My husband had just come home and I was downloading my thoughts on what had transpired throughout the day. I was handling delicious hot food, fresh from the oven and the dogs, as usual, were crowded around my feet with every step I took.

“Come on guys! Out of the kitchen! Away you go!” I said to our beloved 4-legged beans, as I scooted behind them like they were cattle being herded out of the kitchen.

Before I knew it, I was flat on my ass on the slate floor confused and trying to figure out whether or not I was in any physical pain. I hear Rob yell, “Oh my God!” as he realized I had just wiped out pretty hard right behind him. He came running over and asked if I was okay. “I think so?” I responded without much confidence, and a lot of confusion for how I ended up on the floor in a split second. Rob kicked into first-aid provider mode, alongside all three dogs actively sniffing my face, and started assessing my wrists, elbows and ass as they had taken the brunt of my fall. Nothing broken.

Sarah - 1

Slate floor - 0

“Maybe we should stop putting so many essential oils in the mop bucket, babe.” Rob said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, no shit.” I responded.

“Okay let’s get you up.” Rob said as he swooped in behind me and hoisted me back up with a swift lift under my armpits. He turned me around to wipe a tiny tear that had made its way out of my tear duct from the startle, and give me a big hug. And that’s the moment the damn broke.

“Babe what’s wrong are you hurt?” Rob asked as he took a step back to look at me.

What came out of my mouth next, poured out with what felt like 20 metric tonnes of pressure behind it. “I hate him, babe. I hate him so fucking much.”

“Hate who?”

“Trudeau. I fucking hate him. I’m so fucking tired of this. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. It’s been 5 fucking years. It feels like everything has been standing still for 5 fucking years. I loved this country so much and I now I don’t even know what I am fighting to save.” I managed to say in a mess of tears and sobs that would rival that of a woman neck-deep in a bucket of ice cream after being dumped by “the one”.

And so I cried, allowing the sadness to make its way up from the depths of my system. All while Trudeau himself addressed the nation in a live press conference, and Canadians booed the American national anthem at the Sens game. In that moment, a wave of such deep pain flooded every cell in my body, and I grieved. I grieved not from a place of defeat, but from a place of acceptance.

Acceptance for how deeply-seeded apathy will always be here in Canada.

Acceptance for how the tried, tested and true Liberal & mainstream media playbooks continue to hold so much power.

Acceptance that Trump Derangement Syndrome is actually so very real.

Acceptance for how easy it is to become a saviour again, as soon as a new villain is introduced.

Acceptance that the solidarity of freedom community was nothing more than a facade.

Acceptance that I will lose another swath of people in my life, for seeing what I see.

Acceptance that I’m going to have to step into another level of bravery and courage.

Acceptance that I will forever be misunderstood, and have to continuously face the consequences of that.

Acceptance that this is all necessary for our true evolution.

Acceptance that figurative death is required before any rebirth can happen.

And ultimately, the acceptance that the complete reform we need to see here in Canadian government, will require the complete and total collapse of Canada as we know it.

What my heart will continue to grapple with as we forge forward, is whether or not my love for Canada was ever real, or whether it was a love for my idea of Canada. Because if I may be even more honest than I already have been — I can’t get behind Canada, as a corporation. I honestly don’t even know if there is legitimacy to our confederation, but I’ll save that for another day.

My idea of Canada has always been the people who are there for their neighbours, the power of the land itself, and the feeling you get from being proud of where you live, for these two reasons.

I am laying down my sword, but this isn’t defeat. This is acceptance of what is still needed, in order for us to arrive safely in a brave new world. That after 5 years, we still have a long road ahead. That’s its going to get bumpier, foggier and darker, before the road ahead begins to clear.

As I finish typing these words, I can feel another layer of density leaving my body. We’re here during these times for a reason, and I believe it’s to create a brave new world. I also believe that those of us who are grieving now, are experiencing this so we can be there for the others when it’s their time to realize the same. So feel your emotions. Release what needs to be releases. Make space for the energy we’re going to need to be of service and leadership in the coming years.

And to my fellow business owners, you bet your ass I’ll be here to help you pivot into whatever is necessary as we navigate these times together, shoulder to shoulder.

Enjoy your Sunday, my friends.

Sarah